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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26671945">Saudade</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoSirius92/pseuds/NotSoSirius92'>NotSoSirius92</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, M/M, MCD, OOC</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:54:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,609</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26671945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoSirius92/pseuds/NotSoSirius92</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no sewing machine that could stitch back together the fabrics of his soul.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaise Zabini/Teddy Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Sing Me a Rare: UK Invasion!</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Saudade</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for Sing-Me-A-Rare: UK Invasion. Much love to my Beta and Alpha who shall remain nameless for the moment.<br/>Song Prompt -  Hide and Seek by Imogen Heep<br/>For those who choose the Anarchy round: Assignment: In Vino Veritas + Ghost Stories</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">April 2020</span>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a perfect day for a funeral. </p><p>The sky was a dreary, omnipresent gray. Clouds blurred together and became a thick insulation separating the ground dwellers from the sun. </p><p>Whatever gods were out there created many flawed things in this universe, but Blaise thought the one thing they got right was giving humans and “near-humans” the ability to cry. </p><p>Slow, steady streams of tears were running down his face, and though his rightful place was at the front of the service, he chose to sit unassuming at the back. </p><p>Sinking. </p><p>Feeling. </p><p>He’d been stupid to believe in the frivolity of happily ever after. Teddy had promised him that, but Blaise knew years ago that the love of his life had broken that promise as soon as he’d made it. </p><p>Mortal, immortal, happily ever after is a farce. Eventually all things end. Blaise had just thought, in the course of his long life, that he would have had more than a few years. Even eighty years would have been a blink of the eye to him, but to feel so deliriously happy for what felt like seconds to him was a tragedy. </p><p>The procession was beautiful, though Blaise was not paying attention. He was focused on the dust particles swirling through the air every time the wind would catch. Having better eyesight than most, he could see how beautiful the motes were, their pale colors circling each other in the wind tunnels that caught them. </p><p>Blaise had observed humans for many millennia, and had always wondered how their ability to grieve was so vast, bottomless and all consuming. He’d laughed once at their dramatics. </p><p>He thought he understood better. </p><p>Andromeda Tonks nee Black was refined, though her face was lined in severe pain. The red headed witch that he’d called Aunt Ginny one time, was sobbing unabashedly, as were several other redheads at the front. The black haired man next to them was not crying, no. But his green eyes shined with repressed agony, and he rubbed soothing circles on Ginny’s back. </p><p>Words are an inexhaustible resource, and yet they failed him now. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">August 2015</span>
</p><p>
  <em> “Blaise! This is Teddy Lupin, he is the new werewolf liaison for the Department of Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures. Just graduated Hogwarts! You mind showing him around?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise had repressed a frown at the department's Head. He knew Blaise only showed up as it was required per the Vampire Alliance. These annual soirees were not his idea of fun. Obligatory, yes. But Blaise himself had been to hundreds of parties throughout the centuries, and these were as dull as they were unnecessary. There was never any dancing, and there were always - he internally shuddered - games.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddy Lupin, barely more than a boy, smiled serenely at Blaise.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So, I’ve never met a vampire before,” he mused lightly, “do you have fangs?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Insolent child.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Would you like to see?” Blaise smiled at the pup, baring his teeth slightly. Instead of the fear that most wizards would show, Lupin merely grinned mischievously. Blaise noticed that while his carotid thumped appealingly below his skin, there was an underlying lupine smell to his blood that placed him distinguishably in the “non-food” category. There was an overwhelming smell of bergamot, and… sandalwood?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So, how does a non-werewolf become the werewolf liaison? It seems as though there would be plenty that were able to do it that actually have the gene.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Lupin's hair shifted between turquoise and red. A metamorphmagus, wizard, and blood of a lycanthrope? Hmm. Maybe not as boring of a specimen as Blaise originally thought.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Because of who my father was, I imagine. Remus Lupin? He and my mother were directly involved in the war that happened a while back. Maybe you’d heard of it?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Huh. Blaise had heard something about it. He’d been abroad during those years, though, and only knew that it was devastating.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ah, Blasius, I see you’ve met my grandson. Do not allow him to goad you, he’s insufferable.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise turned to see Andromeda Black approaching them, and immediately a smile graced his face.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “ ‘Meda, you’ve only grown more beautiful with age,” he kissed her cheek in greeting. This was an unexpected, albeit pleasant, surprise.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “And you are handsome as ever, and haven’t aged a day,” she smirked knowingly. “I came to inform you two that we’re beginning the first round of games, and as this year's event planner, I have decided to forego the stuffiness of my predecessors and actually allow us to have fun!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her laugh warmed his soul, and he remembered back when he’d toured Hogwarts all those years ago, when she’d been head girl. Yes, she had endeared herself to him on multiple levels.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The small group of party goers congregated around the fire pit. It was, admittedly, an inviting sight. Foregoing the normal black and white tables on the patio, Andromeda had created plush rugs and pillows for the guests to sit on, all surrounding a Birchwood fire. The flames flickered blue and green, enticing everyone to sit without decorum.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So, shall we play some games?” Andromeda asked excitedly.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know!” the Lupin boy exclaimed, “Veritaserum or Dare!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ground Rules.” A man Blaise recognized as the head of the Malfoy family spoke, “No personal questions that could hinder careers, or questions that could otherwise compromise the integrity of our workplace reputations.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This would prove to be a long night, Blaise thought, and for once allowed himself to be young again. The boy's enthusiasm was catching, it seemed.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Blaise! Veritaserum or Dare?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise snorted, “No.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh, come on, please? Participate!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Participate. Such a simple plea. Blaise sighed, and took a swig of the laced bottle of firewhiskey, all the while rolling his eyes at the turquoise-haired man across from him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Do you date humans?” He asked immediately. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> One brow arched.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No, but I’m willing to make exceptions.” Oh, no.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">April 2020</span>
</p><p>Teddy had somehow managed to weasel his way into Blaise’s heart within a matter of days. He blew through Blaise’s life like a whirlwind, spinning him round and round until he could no longer decipher which way was up. </p><p>His smile had been infectious. From that first night, Blaise had come alive, been more cognizant of the beauty around him for the first time in centuries. He’d shied away from love since he was younger, believing truly that all things end, especially when the ones you loved were mortal. It had been a solitary existence, but it had been painless. Unlike now. </p><p>“You loved him very much, didn’t you? I can see that you are sad. And a sadness that great only comes from a devastating loss.” The woman with large blue eyes and scraggly blonde hair was not imposing in stature, but something about her pale blue eyes, almost opaque, seemed to pierce right through him. Most people may have mistaken her tone for a great, sweeping insensitivity. But her words, under their brusque delivery were filled with understanding -- and were the first truly kind words he’d heard all day. The whispers surrounding his appearance today did not go unnoticed. Blaise just knew the people who really mattered would want him there.</p><p>“I cannot put words to this feeling, it’s…utterly indescribable,” he admitted softly. “This can’t be happening.” </p><p>But it is.</p><p>An unusual human, she initiated contact with him rather than shying away. A soft, reassuring hand rested on his forearm for a moment. </p><p>“<em> Saudade,” </em>she whispered. “That is what you’re feeling.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">January 2016</span>
</p><p>
  <em> “Do you believe in God?”  </em>
</p><p><em> Teddy was walking alongside him on their latest expedition for the DCRMC. Apparently, the boss admired their camaraderie and efficiency, and thus had partnered them together for a series of expeditions to explore ancient lore on vampires and lycanthropes in Egypt. Blaise repressed a snort, considering he himself was, in fact, </em> ancient. <em> Their guide was walking silently ahead of them, only speaking when needed.  </em></p><p>
  <em> “That is a hard question to answer, young one. I have been around for a long time, and as such I have seen many faiths. Dogma matters little to me. When I was human, I believed in what you would consider the ancient Roman Gods.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “My Aunt Hermione taught me a bit about that, and about God. You don’t practice that? A lot of vampire lore is based in Christianity.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I never had the pleasure of meeting your Jesus of Nazareth, but I grieved his passing as did many. He was a great man of peace.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddy’s eyes widened, as though he’d just come to the realization that Blaise had indeed seen many things.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “How old are you?” He asked softly, almost timid.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I was born in the time of the Etruscans, somewhere around 600 BC. Time was not catalogued as accurately then. My mother was a handmaiden to one of the ladies of Etruria. She was beautiful, pale by their standards, and so she lived a slightly better life than most women of her status.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddy was silent, seemingly realizing that Blaise did not often divulge his history to people. Blaise himself wondered how someone so young managed to capture his trust so easily, in such a short amount of time.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I remember she disappeared for a few days, and I was distraught. I was not often allowed to see my mother, for we worked in different parts of the castle, and when I’d heard she was missing I had assumed she’d met some untimely and ghastly fate.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Three days later she came to me, and told me the most chilling of ghost stories. That a man, a Succubus as I now realize, had come to her -- and drank her blood. He had told her because of her beauty, she was to be his concubine, and so he made her drink his blood before snapping her neck.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “So she was turned into a vampire?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise nodded. “We did not know that magic truly existed, you see. The magical world was far smaller in those days than it is now, but people were more superstitious. I believed in ghost stories, like the one she had told me. So when my mother came to me, more beautiful than ever, more… alluring… I knew what she said to be true. She then told me we had to escape our land before he could find her and take her captive. But, in order to take me with her, I had to become like her.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Your own mother turned you?” Teddy was astonished. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You may think her cruel,” Blaise said, and his voice foretold of an ancient longing, so vast in its depth that Teddy himself could not fathom. “But my mother loved me more than anything, and in those times people suffered painful deaths. Whether from the hardships of servitude, or disease, or murder, or sacrifice… She wanted me to live forever with her. So yes, young one, she turned me. I only realized after a few centuries how hard it was for her to succeed.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They walked in silence for a time, their hands brushing together slightly.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I spent many centuries with her,” Blaise said after a while. “We traveled the world, until she was killed in England during Cromwell’s rule. Priests then were highly suspicious of the existence of vampires, and many were killed during their expeditions to eradicate us. My mother was not spared.”  </em>
</p><p><em> Blaise was surprised when Teddy squeezed his hand in a gesture of comfort. There was no motive behind it. Simply a desire to alleviate pain, to offer sympathy. Blaise saw only compassion in the young boy’s -- no, </em> man’s <em> eyes, and something pulled inside of his chest. He felt the gooseflesh rising on the young man's arm, and heard the erratic acceleration of his heart.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Blaise knew he should discourage the attention, the fascination. Part of the reason Teddy was having these responses to him was because Blaise himself was preternaturally beautiful. Everything about the way he spoke, and carried himself, the deep tones of his skin and the silkiness of it, the soulful eyes and glinting teeth he possessed -- all of it was made perfectly to lure in his prey. To ensnare them into his clutches. Even now, Blaise thought about how easy it would be to sink his teeth into the supple flesh of the man next to him. In an intimate setting such as this, Blaise could easily imagine taking Teddy’s hand into his, his lips ghosting across the inside of his wrist, desireful and inviting, and taking a long slow pull from the artery that rested there. How erotic it would be to watch.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> No.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He vowed long ago to only take what was freely given.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">April 2020</span>
</p><p>“Are you coming to the gathering?” </p><p>Andromeda's voice interrupted whatever Blaise had been about to say to the strange blonde woman, and when words failed him she simply flittered away, as though nothing profound had been said. </p><p>“I don’t know, Meda. My kind are not very well tolerated by some in attendance. You know this.” </p><p>“I do,” she nodded, “but Teddy loved you. Our family does not doubt your place with us. Is that not what truly matters?” </p><p>“I don’t know if I can,” he confessed, his fists clenching, arms coming around his middle as though they were the only thing keeping him together. “I can’t sit around talking about him, mourning with others who don’t <em> grasp </em> the depth of what I’ve lost. He was my mate. They neither understand nor accept what he was to me.” </p><p>Andromeda pulled him close to her. And he squeezed his eyes together because she almost smelled like him. </p><p>Almost. </p><p>“I understand. I may not understand what it means to be a vampire in love. But I know something about losing your soulmate. Ted was mine, and he’s been gone over two decades, and the holes he left behind still bleed. My daughter and her husband were killed, and I still rouse from sleep thinking she’s here for a few seconds before wakefulness claims my reality. I understand loss, Blasius.” “I don’t mean to belittle your suffering, Andromeda.” He felt thoroughly chastised and shamed, a rarity for him. </p><p>She patted his shoulder. “I know, and I didn’t really expect you to come. What will you do?” </p><p>He stared at her, pleading for understanding, for something. </p><p>“Blaise, a true death will not solve anything.” </p><p>“Or maybe it will solve everything. I have been around for a long time, Meda. Everything must end. Even me. And maybe I can see him, again.” Funny, how love can give faith to the faithless. </p><p>She nodded sadly, knowing that one such as he would not be swayed. So instead of screaming, or berating, or begging, she simply hung her head heavily and sighed. </p><p>“I know you mean well,” he assured her. </p><p>“And you think this is all for the best? You decided this?” </p><p>“It's what I need, love.” </p><p>She kissed his cheek. “Of course it is.” <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">September 2016</span>
</p><p>
  <em> The first time Teddy kissed him, several months after their excursion to Egypt, it set off a cacophony of feelings in Blaise that he’d read about, but never experienced. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They’d been in the wizarding college library at Oxford, exploring ideas about fostering a new set of Accords with Vampires, Lycanthropes and Humans. With wolfsbane and synthetic blood readily available, there was no reason people with these afflictions should be banned from getting an education at Hogwarts, and then later functioning jobs in the magical world.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise had stretched his arms out and around, trying to ease the tension in his dead shoulders, and noticed his partner looking at him intently.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What is it?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddy smiled slightly before leaning towards him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I want to try something,” he said. “Don’t freak out.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What a strange thing to say. Blaise sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay?” The answer fell from his lips as though it were a question.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And then he felt pressure on his lips. Soft and pliant and a few degrees warmer than his. And they tasted like what he imagined chocolate would.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He opened his eyes after a moment to find Teddy leaning back into his chair, that same soft smile quirking his lips upwards. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That’s all,” he said simply.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dammit.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Dammit. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Dammit. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">April 2020</span>
</p><p>Blaise arrived back at the loft they had shared, and the paintings his love had created hung in every direction, reminding him that nothing new would ever adorn the space. What once had given him great pleasure, were now just oily marks on the walls. </p><p>He kicked his shoes off, an oddly pedestrian move, and fell onto the sofa. </p><p>He was beyond weary, and so broken-hearted. Two things hardly associated with vampirism. Everything in the small flat reminded him of Teddy. Blaise had initially rented the space as a means to store his belongings. Teddy had made it into something more than a storage unit. Teddy had made it into a home worth living in. Splashes of color could be seen in every nook and cranny in the small space, and plants flourished in the ambient light the tall windows provided. Blaise only wanted darkness now. To let the grief pull him under, to never resurface. </p><p>The weight would suffocate him, pull him under the earth into the sea and drown him. Only it was worse because no matter how much the grief hurt, he wouldn’t actually die- he just wanted to. </p><p>Instead Teddy would haunt him, a constant whisper in his ear regardless of whether he was wanting for company. That’s the thing with ghosts, they were always just beyond your fingertips. He could lash out, speak, or cry to him- and Teddy would be nowhere to be found. He didn’t leave his spiritual imprint on this world. Just in Blaises heart and those of his loved ones.</p><p>For the first time in decades, Blaise cried out for his mother. Dignity was forgotten as his sobs overtook him, and he wished she was there to hug him close to her chest, and rub soothing circles on his back as she had when he was a child. </p><p>He wished for kind eyes and soft hands to brush against his forehead. He wished for her nightly prayers over his sleeping form. But most of all, Blaise wished she were here to give him guidance, to lead him into something other than all-consuming pain. </p><p>“I miss you,” he whispered, seemingly into the air. </p><p>Whispering to nothing at all. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">June 2018</span>
</p><p>
  <em> Falling in love with Teddy Lupin was not the terrifying, awful thing Blaise thought it would be. It was like waking up from a restful night's sleep. The moments between slumber and wakefulness were full of deep promise, and there was a lovely tug that pulled you gently into consciousness. And the moments before you opened your eyes were sweet and a little indignant, as though opening them were a chore, but really you looked forward to the luster of the sun.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That's what being in love with Teddy Lupin felt like.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not really a chore, but he would act like it was.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They fell into an easy routine and had many firsts over the next few years.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The first time they made love, Blaise had bitten him on the thigh, marking him as his. Forever.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The first time Blaise had fed from him, and immediately spit the blood out because though his skin was divine, his blood tasted absolutely horrendous.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The first time Blaise asked Teddy to move in with him, but Teddy had said no because he wanted Blaise to be more polite about it. They’d been arguing about Teddys things lying everywhere and Blaise had shouted at him, saying if he just moved in then he could use the drawers. Teddy had called him an OCD depraved freak and didn’t speak to him for almost twelve hours. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Edward?” Blaise called out, turning off the scalding hot shower he was musing in, and stepped out onto the cold tile. He wrapped a towel around his waist and walked into their bedroom.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His love was home surely, and ignoring him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Teddy? Where are you?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Come find me!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> A slow smirk lifted Blaises lips. His lover felt like playing today.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He stopped in the center of their bedroom, and rolled his shoulders. Closing his eyes, he allowed his more predatory nature to take over. He could feel his fangs elongating, pupils dilating, nostrils flaring, and the hairs on his arms standing up as they tasted the air around him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> An excited heart beat located within the vicinity, but… not in the bedroom.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I can smell you, my darling,” Blaise said as he stalked through the house. “I can hear the thunderous sound of your heart beat as I step closer to you.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not in the sitting area. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can hear you swallow as you think about all the things I plan on doing to you tonight.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not in the kitchen.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I can smell your breath as it increases in excitement- you ate chocolate today. You really are addicted to that stuff,” Blaise mused in a sultry tone.  “You’re going to get fat one of these days, and then I’ll have to roll you into our bedroom.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The thumping was coming from the guest bedroom.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise turned the knob and swung the door open. His lover was naked and waiting, with an unholy gleam in his eyes. Perfection.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise stalked towards him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Mine.”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">February 2020</span>
</p><p>
  <em> “My love,” Blaise kissed him on the forehead as he walked into the flat. Hopefully by end the night Blaise would have a new term of endearment for his lover.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hello, darling. I went to the bank and got your favorite. AB+. I don’t understand why you are such a snob about it. O-Neg is much cheaper.” His voice was slightly stuffy with congestion, from a recent cold. The cough was still present, and he was claiming it was just allergies.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise smiled softly at his lover's rant, watching the way his hair shifted colors to show his mild irritation.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m sorry to inconvenience you. I brought your favorite though. Tom stated you’d been asking him about his steak and kidney pie. He said you owed him some of your stash, he said you’d know what that means.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The smell of food wafted towards Teddys nose, and Blaise watched the slight flaring of his nostrils with a smirk. Men, only thinking with their stomachs.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He sipped on his dinner whilst Teddy inhaled his. It honestly would have been a gruesome sight had Blaise not been so besotted with him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> After a while, Blaise cleared his throat. Prompting Teddy to gaze at him intently before widening his eyes.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “How is it that you make my head hurt without saying anything?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise let out a startled laugh, though he wasn’t wholly surprised.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Marry me,” he stared in a sure voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Cutlery clattered against the table.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m sorry- what?” Teddys eyes were wide.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Marry me,” Blaise said simply, “you want me, I want you. We live together anyway. Isn’t that the next step in human relationships typically? Marriage?”  </em>
</p><p><em> Teddy rolled his eyes, “Oh yes, the reason we should marry is because it’s a </em> human <em> institution.”  </em></p><p>
  <em> Blaise was silent for a moment, trying his best to assuage the sting his lovers casual dismissal caused him. He knew Teddy loved him, but he couldn’t help but feel the rejection filling the pit that had become his stomach.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Of course, I apologize if it’s not something you want. I should’ve realized…”  </em>
</p><p><em> “Hey,” warm hands cupped his cheeks, “Of course I want to marry you. I want to be with you forever- I just don’t want you to </em> want <em> to get married because you think it’s an experience I should have. I want you to want it.”  </em></p><p>
  <em> Blaise sighed and angled his head as Teddy placed a soft, reassuring kiss on his lips. How was it that one so ancient could be decimated into a pile of teenage angst at the feet of this one man?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Are you sure it’s not the age thing? I’m almost three thousand years older than you.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddy scoffed. “No you’re not! You’re like…” he trailed off, calculating on his fingers, “like almost twenty-six hundred.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise rolled his eyes, “as I stated. Almost three thousand.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddy placed his hands on his chest drastically, “Oh no. That would be just indecent.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And just like that, warmth spread through his bones again, lifting his spirits in a way only Teddy could.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ask me again.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise immediately stopped laughing.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Marry me?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And somehow, realization dawned across Teddys face- like the sun breaking through clouds across the most beautiful horizon, and a smile lit up his face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yes.”  </em>
</p><p><em> The romantic moment was broken the minute Blaise slipped the ring on his </em> fiance's <em> hand. Teddy erupted in a coughing fit that caused spit to fly across Blaises face. Thank god he wasn’t susceptible to human illness.  </em></p><p>
  <em> “You need to see a healer,” Blaise wrinkled his nose </em>
</p><p><em> in disgust and wiped his face. “Preferably </em> before <em> you cough up a lung.”  </em></p><p><em> “It's just allergies. Or maybe a flu. I’m </em> fine <em> Blaise.”  </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">April 2020</span>
</p><p>It was funny, how life can change for one so stagnant. Blaise had lived most of his life as a firm background character. Present in every era, and keeping up with the times, but never being in the fold of them. </p><p>Blaise regretted not attending things like woodstock, and the beheading of Anne Boleyne. When Neil Armstrong went to the moon. He was aware of technology, but had never worked a cellular device or a computer until Teddy forced him. </p><p>Teddys reasoning had been since he wasn’t allowed a wand, he should keep up with the times. So he now had a laptop and a cell phone, though sometimes the touch screen didn’t work due to his slightly cooler skin. </p><p>Muggles were absolutely amazing. </p><p>Electricity didn’t work in magical areas, so Blaise and Teddy had bought a house in a muggle neighborhood just outside of Sussex. It was small, but open, and suited their needs perfectly when they desired a break from the magical world. </p><p>Blaise had a strong urge to retire to their house, for he was sure Teddy's family would be converging on him in a matter of hours if he stayed in Diagon. And love them as he did, he had no desire to deal with anyone else's misery apart from his own.</p><p>A quick floo later, and he was safely away from the world he acknowledged as home. He and Teddy had kept this house a secret from their family, though Blaise suspected Harry and Hermione knew they had ventured into the muggle world. Harry and Hermione also understood better than anyone how overbearing the Tonks and Weasley Matriarchs could be, since the loss of their children. </p><p>He turned the television on without seeing what channel it landed on. He just wanted a little white noise to fill the black abyss that silence brought. </p><p>He meandered into the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing an O-neg. </p><p>The fridge itself was covered in paper cutouts created my Teddys younger cousins. Unicorns and mermaids and squids adorned it, and Blaise smiled for the first time in days. Teddy would have been an amazing father.</p><p>No. </p><p>That dream died before he was even born. </p><p>It didn’t stop the intense longing for a lost family in another universe. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">March 2020</span>
</p><p>
  <em> The world ended on a crisp day in March when Blaise awoke suddenly after his arm was jerked away from him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What the-” whatever he’d been about to say died in his throat as he looked at Teddy struggling to breathe.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His lips were a grayish hue, and his eyes were widened in panic.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I can't breathe, Blaise,” Teddy wheezed. Blaise could hear the increased pace of his heart, and he could  hear how difficult it was for the oxygen being diffused throughout his lungs.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He was so old it normally didn’t bother him to move at a human pace. Time was slow, and stopped for no one. But in that moment Blaise blurred his lover out of bed and towards the floo so quickly that Teddy let out a quick gasp of fright.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “St. Mungos.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Why didn’t you come in sooner?” the Healer asked disapprovingly.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddy shrugged around the breathing vapor he was inhaling. “I’m Gen-Z. We don’t go to the hospital unless we’re dying.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The Healer looked at Blaise confusedly, the latter of which just shrugged. “It’s the demographic he was born in, I guess.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The Healer, whose name tag read “Bones,” frowned in consternation </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Well, I have to run some tests. This doesn’t seem like a normal respiratory illness. Have you had a fever? Or any change in taste.. or smell?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddy nodded. “I can’t smell anything. Haven’t been able to for a few days. I feel like arse, and have had a fever, though Blaise has been making sure I take my fever reducing potion.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The healer pursed his lips unhappily.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I need to consult with another one of our healers. She is a medical doctor as well.. We’ve gotten wind of a flu that is running rampant in the muggle world.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise wasn’t concerned. The flu wasn’t deadly this day in age.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Later that night, Blaise held Teddys hand and cursed himself for being so blasé about his fiancé’s illness. How had he been so wrapped up in his own little bubble that he had missed an entire pandemic that had sent the world into chaos.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The muggle world was shut down. According to the muggleborn healer who had been assigned to Teddys case, the death toll was quickly making this newly dubbed “COVID-19” virus the most deadly illness since the Spanish Flu a century prior. Blaise had finally picked up the newspaper and was now living in terror.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Healer Bones said that Teddy was suffering from a bad case of pneumonia, but the problem lay in that some of his lung tissue was dying, and as a result the rest of his organs were not getting enough oxygen. Should it get any worse, they would completely fail.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As advanced as muggle technology, as impossible as magic was, there was nothing they could do to stop it. They could give him all of the potions and antibiotics in the world, but dead tissue can’t come back to life.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddys breathing was labored, even with the assistance of a face mask that breathed some muggle medicine into his face. His lips were still an ashen gray, and there was a pale sheen of sweat across his forehead.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaise choked back sob after sob at seeing the love of his existence looking so fragile and small, when he usually had such an immense presence about him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He’d never been in a hospital before. What need was there when you had no friends or family. Blaise decided he didn’t like it. The hallways were white, and there was a strong scent of ammonia and antiseptic that burned his too-sensitive nose. The staff flitted in and out every hour and constantly disrupted Teddys sleep.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There was no color here. Only clinical precision.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Blaise?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yes, love.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think I’m dying.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Swallow. “No, you’re not. We will figure something out. I will turn you before I let you die.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You know I wouldn’t survive a transition to vampirism. I have the lycanthrope gene. You have to accept this.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I can’t,” Blaise cried brokenly. “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”  </em>
</p><p><em> “You’re the one that taught me that all things end. I have lived a good life, my love. </em> You <em> made this life worth living. These years I spent with you are better than a thousand years without ever knowing you. Falling in love with you was the best thing I ever did.” </em></p><p>
  <em> Teddy smiled sadly at him, and for the first time Blaise felt as though he were a child. His young love had aged. They stared at each other for an immeasurable amount of time. Blaise couldn’t put his finger on it at first. Their eyes were almost mirror images of each others. Teddys tigers eye gaze bored into his own dark orbs. There was a subtle difference though, and Blaises heart constricted when he realized what it was.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Blaises gaze was loving and hopeful. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Teddys was loving and resigned.  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">April 2020</span>
</p><p>Blaise retired to the library that evening, rubbing his sternum as though he could alleviate the physical ache that resided there beneath his skin. </p><p>Teddy had died the night after he went into St. Mungos. He was surrounded by his family, and had fallen to sleep peacefully, and just didn’t wake up. </p><p>There were rounds of condolences to Blaise that had fallen on deaf ears. Kind gazes that had been blurry due to the tears that had come. </p><p>Teddys exit from Blaises life had happened just as he’d entered it- sudden, and rhapsodic.</p><p>He pulled out his journal that had lain forgotten for the last five years. Thousands of morose words that sullenly belayed his dissatisfaction with the monotony of eternal life. Words that spoke of loneliness, and disinterest. </p><p>Now, next to his dictionary- he looked up the word he’d been thinking about since the funeral earlier in the day. A word that seemed to be the only word that spoke to him from beyond the incapacitating grief. </p><p>
  <em> Saudade: a nostalgic longing to be near something or someone that is distant, or a love that has been lost. Unattainable.  </em>
</p><p>Close. But not quite. </p><p>“S<em>audade,” </em>Blaise whispered to himself. He didn’t want to remember the love lost. He didn’t want to remember anything. Anything at all. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The End. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29316087">Saying Goodbye</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/00Q_Magnus/pseuds/00Q_Magnus">00Q_Magnus</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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